2002-12-28 - 11:15 p.m.

It really doesn 't *feel* like a Saturday. Not quite sure what it *does* feel like, really...but I know it feels like the middle of the week some time, and not a Saturday. Ah, well...*sigh*

So, as I was saying last night before I utterly passed out in front of the computer......I slept well thinking of Matthew two nights ago, and then the next day, yesterday, I felt so upset later in the day...talking to him early in the morning online, he said he'd call during the day...and I heard *nothing* from him, and it was past 9 pm. I had tried calling several times, and received nothing but the answering machine. Ah, well...but then, I called, and-voila!-he answered. Ta-dah! ;)

He discovered my one deep, dark secret........one that's not too hard to figure out. I get attached too quickly. I guess it's because I've been hurt so much lately, I become clingy and don't want there to be a chance of someone I really like running off. *shrug* I just hope I don't upset him...I'm so paranoid of doing so!

But on a lighter note, we spoke for a long, LOOOONG time, me on my cell phone in the Harvard T station. We laughed and talked on many, many subjects....
He told me he doesn't really know what to do with me, since I'm such a talker, and he's, well...he doesn't seem to think he is. I think he's so sweet and everything just the same! =D
*laughs* He said...if he looked at a pen cap, he'd say, "Oh, look...it's a pen cap." And I'd go off on a tangent, and the next thing he knew, I'd be talking about my great aunt Millie.
...I asked how the hell he knew I had had a great aunt Millie. hahaha...

I'm such a fucked-up individual. Really...I don't know what's wrong with me. I make friends so easily, and people usually utterly love me when they first meet me...but then it just seems like they kinda fade away...away from me. =( I don't know if it's me, or if it's them, or what it is...

All I know right now is that I really care for Matthew, and want so badly to be by his side. *sigh* I *do* get attached too-too quickly, but hey, at least I'm not a psycho chick.
...right??
I haven't spoken to him all day, and I feel sort of lost and abandoned by it...and now I feel like I messed something up, because I know he really likes Invader Zim and all that crazy Adult Swim kind of stuff...that Hunger Force and something 2020 show. I saw a pair of boxers, and got them for him...they had that green guy from Invader Zim on them, and said "Ride the Pig." Literally, the little green dude was sitting on a pig. It was just so sick and twisted and perverted and, well, fucking hilarious, to have such a phrase written on boxers...........and then I found out, last night, that he utterly *hates* boxers! >__< It's really too bad...ah, well.......I got him a few other things for Christmas/a just-because gift. As long as he's not allergic to his gift or something...heeheehee.....perhaps I could get "him" some edible undies...^_~ Or maybe two packages...heehee....we could eat'm off each other. *evil, sinister grin*

I'm totally back into drawing and sketching again. Which is good, of course, because I really need to start practicing again... =)

I really need a shower...I hate when I skip a day, I feel so damn dirty. >__< I'll shower in the morning...my mom'll bitch if I shower tonight, since it's past 11:30.

Ah, well...I bought $70 worth of clothes at Tello's. Unfortunately, I didn't try on a single thing, so I've got to go do that now. If anything doesn't fit or something, looks like I'm making a stop at the mall soon! ;D

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