2003-01-06 - 12:41 a.m.

I just had to turn it off....I just had to turn the TV off. Tears wanted to come out, and my heart had that anxious, nervous, scared feeling...the feeling you'd get if someone was following you home late at night.

What am I talking about, you ask? ...I had no TV on September 11. Right, September 11, 2001. No way of seeing any of what was happening...I had no idea of how scary it all was...the looks on everyone's faces...I could only hear the confusion and fear in the voices on the radio.

It was about 9:00 am on September 11, 2001. We all know it was a Tuesday. It was my second day at work at Southeastern Early Education in Athens, GA. I was in the infant room, with Miss Catherine, a 50-year-old, heavy, motherly-looking black lady. She looked very old for 50, as the 20-30-something years of being with little babies day in, day out can put quite a bit of stress on a person. I was sitting on the floor, holding baby Destiny. Or was I holding the other baby? I can't remember her name...Janelle or something...I know it was hard to make her stop crying. But I think it was Destiny...the tiny little beautiful baby...
I had been 17 only for days then. It was very hard to find a job at a daycare...at that age...with no high school diploma, no GED...OH GOD! How fucking ironic...how fucking unbelievably ironic......I opened up AIM to get away from typing for a minute...and this was what I saw:

Great. Another fucking psycho...*sigh*

Anyway...I don't want to let my cup runneth over with my ramblings on my feelings....but I was watching this movie/video thing...I bought it for $4 at Blockbuster before Christmas, when I was buying my dad a $10 gift card. It's called, simply, 9|11. It was made by two brothers, and it was started in June, June 9th, 2001...they wanted to do a documentary on a firefighter. A young man...a boy becoming a man, as they said. They wanted to see what 6 months could do to him........and they inadvertently filmed a documentary on September 11. They have one of the very first shots of the first plane hitting the first tower. You can see that people looked up, since it was odd to see a plane flying so darn low....

I'll take this time to mention that, when I was younger, I was always afraid of planes...not of being on one and crashing, but of one crashing down on me. Funny, because I always had an intense fear, along with the plane, of burning...having a fire kill me. Since September 11th, my fear has left me. ...maybe...maybe, as much of a bitch as Aimee was, and how much I regret giving her over a year of my life...perhaps, if I were here, and had never met her, fate would have led me to New York.....*shivers at the thought*
You never know...I am, of course, right near Boston, which is less than 3 hours away from Manhattan. It was only months before, on May 1, 2001, when I had driven on a bus right through New York City. I'm pretty sure that, while I was looking so hard to catch a glimpse of the Statue of Liberty, someone had pointed out to their kids the World Trade Center. I didn't care, though...I just wanted to see the Empire State Building, and the Statue of Liberty. *sigh* Now I wish I had seen it...I'll never get a chance again.


Anyway, I'll talk about yesterday...or last night. It was bloody crazy...
I went to the mall, of course. =D I bought two new Tshirts at Gadzooks (one is "How To Steal A Boyfriend," and the other says "My Therapist Says It's All Your Fault"), got three pairs of pants at Deb (a pair of plaid with a big belt, a long, black skirt, and one of those striped pants...bigger than pinstripe, but not wide...kinda hard to describe, and has some velvet in the stripes!^^), some Amy Brown buttons at Hot Topic, a pair of Zim slippers/sandals for Matthew (tho he hasn't called, so he doesn't deserve a thing =)~ ), a fairy dangle bracelet (all those three things were from Hot Topic), oh, and also from there, a button that just plainly says in black, over iridescent silver, "GIVE ME A DOLLAR."
I got myself an eyeshadow set from Filenes, and for Ann's baby, Jenna, sweet little baby blue corduroy overalls and a pink, ribbed top. Wicked cute! I also got myself (finally!) a pair of winter boots...like sneaker cut, but a soft, non-shiny rubbery feel...made by Sporto, so they're nice! I got a few silver charms for my necklaces...a cute little laptop that has a smiley face for the screen, and rhinestones for the keyboard =), a little angel/fairy (reminds me of the fairy godmother figure from Pinocchio...and also a charming little watermelon! Yum! Pink! ^__^ Lessee, me got some other things, too, but I can't remember what... =D

Anyway, I left the mall right before 10, when the mall was supposed to close. So there I am, waiting for the bus to come...
About ten minutes later, the first bus came by. I needed the 430. This was the 429. No help there...
So I asked the bus driver, and he said, "Yeah, there should be a 430 coming by in about 10-15 minutes." And then he was off. So, I'm there waiting for quite some time......and then I called my mom. Now, my phone's battery was slowly dying, and I just wanted my mom to check the bus schedules online. She is such a damn moron, this was near bloody impossible. She just couldn't find the damn things to click! >_< It was REALLY pissing me off! >=0 !!
So finally, as my phone beeped at me, telling me the battery was low, I see another 429 coming. I hang up with mom, and ask the bus driver where he's going. Damn him, he's heading out to Lynn. This is in the complete opposite direction...
So I sit there. And wait. And wait. And wait. I started to draw, but my hand was so darn cold, it was hard to move. I put on my gloves, and ended up freezing my butt off. It was about 20-25 degrees last night...keep this in mind. And all I had was a pair of jeans, thin socks, somewhat thin shoes (man-made, nonetheless), a Tshirt, a hoodie that was made of a THIN material...and a ski jacket (which *did* offer warmth, but only to my arms and torso), thin, knit gloves (great for keeping me warm for shorter periods of time) and a hat. So, fine, some parts of me were warm...but my toes were frozen, my legs were iced, my fingers, though in gloves and shoved in my pockets, were freezing, and my face was turning into a giant ice cube. I was not a happy camper...I called for a cab, but my phone died before we finalized the cab order...the doors to the mall were locked, so I couldn't go in and complete the call. It was getting past 11...

Finally, at about 11:15, the bus came by...he had me get on the bus, sit down (with all my bags...oh, yeah, I got a new doll, too! ^^ scroll to the bottom for her pic...), and then we found out there were no more 430s. Big friggin surprise there. >__< So I ended up going all the way the heck down to Wonderland station. Now, here's a map of the subway:


I had to change buses, and finally, at about 12:20am, arrived at Wonderland station. That's in the upper, right-hand corner, on the end of the blue line. Now, I had to sit there and freeze for a while...until the train started moving at about 12:30ish or even later, I don't know...and take it alll the way down to State, change for the Orange Line, and take it up to by where I live, Wellington Station. >____< Gaaaahhhh......I was at State at about 1 am, and so I don't know what time I finally got to Wellington...probably about 1:15, 1:20 somewhere. *sigh* And then I had to wait a minute or two, and a 108 bus rolled on in. Everyone was as dead tired as me (but the bus driver was cute! ^_~), and I finally got a ride near my house...and a few minute walk to my door. God, was I glad to be home....I was so sick and tired of the cold by then! X� *dead*

*sigh* Well, today wasn't what I'd call a vast improvement...hung around in my new, fuzzy PJ's (from Deb! ^_^)...and watched about 3/4 of Sleeping Beauty. Nothing exciting...ah, well...tomorrow I have a doctor's appointment, and I have to mail out some *LATE* Xmas gifts (though, I'm really starting to wonder if they're deserved, anyway... =/ I'm too much of a sucker...too generous for my own damn good *sigh*)...and I still have money left to the Meadow Glen Mall, and Kohl's (which is in the MGMall). Purrhaps I'll stop by! =D Unfortunately, I'm running out of money in my bank account...have a bit of cash, and checks, though! ;D

Check with you tomorrow! ^__^

Oh, and here's the doll I got from Geppeddo! =D

Click here to see a LARGE picture of her! Isn't she pretty? =D


...R.I.P. Terri Ford...?-January 4, 2002. Mother of Martin Ford, good friend to my brother for many years. She died of cancer, sadly, leaving behind a family who loved her. From what I heard, she was loved by everyone who met her. I don't recall meeting her, though I'm sure I did...I don't know what to say...but I feel so sorry for Martin, and I know he didn't deserve anything bad to happen to him. *LoL* One time he made a prank call when he and some other friends of David's were sleeping over the house, and my brother ended up going to court...
what do you say to someone when their mother dies? I tried to say some words of condolences, and I IMed him...he said thanks, but I didn't dare say anything else...I think that in a time like this, no words is much better than too many.
...whoever you love, tell them you love them, every day, every night...you never know when you may not be able to see them again...

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