2003-03-23 - 6:44 p.m.

Well, I was disappointed. But I'm not upset...because I always give people chances. And Andy definitely deserves the chance.
Also, I know he wasn't bullshitting, and he was obviously upset he had to break the plans.

I went out last night around 9 pm, killed time at Barnes & Noble (read a little bit about Machiavelli, some cute books on cats, and the first manga of CHOBITS (wicked cute!!!) ), and then met Andy at midnight at Au Bon Pain in Harvard Square. I got a soda, he got a coffee, and we walked back to his place. About a fifteen minute walk from the square. Not bad at all! XD

Our plan was to wake up tomorrow morning, eat breakfast, and he'd go out to work to do more on his side-project. (He's an architect, and his work project right now is building a theatre somewhere, I think in New York or New Jersey or Pennsylvania somewhere.) He took on a secondary, side project, for a guy he knows, to make a model of a house he's building, and he's getting paid good for it. He also thinks he'll almost definitely be getting future jobs from this guy, too.
But it -does- take up a lot of his time.
But at least he has his priorities in order! ^_^

Well, anyway, we stayed up late last night (I have no idea until what time.... ^_~), and woke up REAL late!! Like 1:30!! O_o

He went out, got "breakfast" from Dunkin Donuts for us, and came back. He's so sweet and thoughtful, I noticed, as he went and got a glass for me and poured my orange juice out into it, while he stuck himself with just the plastic bottle. And he got me a plate and such, and put my bagel out, and all that stuff. ^_~ Just silly little thoughtful things.

^__^ But then we, uh, found ourselves getting a bit...er...occupied. ;) Heh...
And so, to fast-forward through this part, next thing we know, it's about a quarter past 4.
Well, fuck. He has to go and put in 6-7 hours of work, he estimated, and so since he knew I had to come home tonight to go to work tomorrow, it just wasn't going to work out to go out to dinner tonight.
That was the plan. We were going to go out to a "fancy" dinner. He was going to go to work, I was going to stay at his place and keep myself occupied, then get showered and all dolled up and ready, and we'd go out when he came home. ^^

Unfortunately, it didn't work out that way. *pout* But, hey, I wasn't gonna make a scene about it or cry or anything...I mean, that's life, and shit happens, right?


I did a lot of thinking last night and this morning, though. I just didn't know how to put words to the thoughts, and didn't know how he'd take them.
But I think I'm really starting to fall for Andy. Yeah...fall in love.
It's not like that thrill-seeking, amazing, totally enthralling absolutely wonderful feeling I get about Matthew....it's this feeling that...this feels right.

Heh...I just found a hair of his on the keyboard. Must have come off my sleeve.

I find myself missing him when I'm away from him. But not that silly, all-emcompassing feeling of loss and emptiness, but just missing him, wondering what he's up to. Hoping he's eating right, hoping he's getting enough sleep...hoping they're paying him enough at work, hoping he's getting treated right.
Wondering if he's thinking of me.

I'm not sure where we're going, if we're going anywhere...and how he exactly feels about me. It could be love...it could be lust. He could just think I'm cute...could just like me.
Who knows?
Not me...

He doesn't chase me, doesn't make me feel uncomfortable, or feel bad if I can't do something he wants me to do.
He doesn't tell me anything wrong about me. Doesn't point out my flaws. Doesn't seem to want to change me, at all.


I'm going to go on downstairs now...
I'm getting tired, as, even though we slept a lot, it was an odd dream-filled sleep, I woke up several times, and found myself just staring at him, watching him sleep...thinking he's really cute sleeping, even if his face -is- squished against the pillow. ^__^

Ah, well.....I'm gonna go downstairs and make him something with clay. Something he'll appreciate. He uses a little glass for a candy dish, uses ghetto tin and glass ash trays. Has change all over the place.
I think I'll make him a little dish. Yes, a dish will be great. I'll like making him that very much. :D

Something that he can remember me, every time he looks at it. Or uses it. Or whatever.
But something I'll make, just for him. Something nobody else has. Just his! =D

And on the bottom, I'll sign it, "love, Cat". XD



7:10 pm

10 years ago, I...

1. was 8
2. was in 3rd grade
3. had a teacher named Ms. Caporale
4. would pretend to fall asleep in class
5. thought I knew I was going to be an astronaut


5 years ago, I...

1. was 13
2. roleplayed online...A LOT! My genre of the time was my personal character Catgirl, from the Batman universe
3. had a best friend named Kathy, who showed me what it was like to be one of the "bad girls"
4. lost a lot of weight on the Weight Watchers diet, and went from real fat to smaller and very cute!
5. realized that I no longer wanted to be the class geek, teacher's pet, and known for being the smart kid.


1 year ago, I...

1. was 17
2. was living in Georgia
3. thought I was in love with a bitchqueen who mind-fucked me
4. worked in a child care center as an assistant teacher
5. wanted badly to be taken into the home and family of bitchface's mother...(gawd, what the FUCK was I THINKING?!)


Yesterday, I...

1. Read the first CHOBITS manga
2. Had a huge sugar cookie and a cream soda at Barnes & Noble
3. Met up with Andy at midnight
4. Heard people laughing over the guy in a crowd in Iraq who took off his shoe and beat the picture of Saddam Hussein's face with it
5. Realized I might be falling in love with Andy


Today, I...

1. Woke up really late
2. Had some excellent sex with Andy (okay, so I did that early this morning, and then again this afternoon ;) )
3. Realized the consequences of falling asleep without washing off your makeup... >__<
4. Had yummy pasta for dinner
5. Had a slurpee before getting on the train to go home! Mmmm!!


Tomorrow, I...

1. Start my first day of work at the Learning Express
2. Have to wake up early
3. Will try hard to dress wicked cute!
4. Will probably end up thinking about both Andy AND Matthew
5. Will try hard to remember to water my wishes!!!!

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