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Grrr...stupid counter reset itself!! >>_<<

Prisoner of Azkaban movie:

2002-09-09 - 11:51 a.m.

I'm crying inside, and my heart is in pain.

No, it's not eating me up, but it's that underlying, lingering pain...the pain that threatens to never go away...never, until its desires are nursed. And I'm so afraid that this pain will never go away, that my heart won't ever have what it wants.

I'm too smart for this...I'm too good for all this...I shouldn't want her back so badly. I really don't...but in my heart...my heart yearns so badly for her...I'm really hurting...

Why does it have to be like this? Why did we hurt each other so much? Why did I hurt her? Why did I do the things I did? Say the things I said?

Oh, god! My heart just literally skipped a beat. The yearning is immense...I received a notice that she's now reading my Email...I'm so afraid to know what she's thinking, what she's saying, what she's doing. Is she laughing at me? Is she feeling what I feel, too? I couldn't tell her how I feel...not really...

Again. She read the other Email...I think she's just going to ignore it. Please, dear god, don't let her just ignore it...I'm trying to be nice...trying to be friends...I'll do all I can...I want to at least establish an online friendship again.

Oh, god...why does it hurt me so much?? I should be over this by now...I shouldn't care anymore...I shouldn't care at all...but yet here I am, hurting, wanting to cry.

The pain isn't there much, but when it is, it's so very strong...

*sigh*

An Email!! I jumped, literally. But, alas, it's just a FUCKING ad! And nothing else. Nothing from her. Not a thing...

Email me, goddammit...even Email me and tell me you hate me...let me put this to rest...if you tell me you hate me, I'd feel better than this! Oh, god, why?! Why the fuck can't I find someone else?? It's like I'm comparing everyone to her! I hate it...I hate it...I hate it!! *lets out a long, painful sigh*

In other news....I can't believe it. I had forgotten to call for my schedule at work today. I didn't think people would be there before 8-9:30, and if I had to work at 9, that wouldn't be good. So I made the hour-long trek up to work, only to find out I had no frickin hours today. None at all.

That just blows. Majorly. I mean, a whole lot.

So in other words, I woke up at 6 fucking 30 in the morning, getting only a few hours of sleep, and only to find out I could have slept for another few hours....dammit, dammit, dammit!

*sigh* And now Josh is bugging me again...I want so bad to just...I don't know...dump him. But I haven't the heart to just do that! I know what it would feel like if it was done to me...but at the same time, it's better to be let down quick and hard, than slowly, letting the pain linger and grow...

I think I'm going to design a few shirts today...

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