2002-12-16 - 11:27 p.m.

thru

Today began like any other day, without me knowing what would happen...to change my life, perhaps...

Nothing extremely exciting at work happened. Cathy, a co-worker, said something and I found it quite amusing, so I'm quoting her here...

"Just because you know someone doesn't mean you have proof they exist."

But I'll skip ahead to what I scrawled in my little notebook...

(note...I am not writing this in form to try and be poetic or anything, I'm simply writing it line-for-line as it appears in my little notebook...it's about 3"x5", so yes, it's gonna have only several words per line...)

I really can hardly
contain my excitement!
I feel like bursting out
in smiles and giggles, and
talking a mile a minute, and
telling the world what I'm
doing. It's just a few seconds
of 6:45, and I'm sitting here,
well, sprawled out here, on the
commuter rail, about
to be on my way to
Middleborough! I can hardly
wait - it's due to arrive at
7:40, and there Matty will
be waiting, Matthew Aod,
my knight in shining armor...

or at least long hair, and a long,
gray trenchcoat. Like Seifer.
Funny, he said he'd like
to name his first son Zephyr.
But I'm getting ahead of myself...
I met him in the lame-o
Boston chat room, just last
Sunday (not yesterday), when
he "silently applauded"
my dissing and sticking
up for myself when some
idiot in the room was
calling me fat (and ugly).
I was totally knocking his
intellect (or lack
thereof) for looking
solely at the exterior.
And from there - boom -
we hit it off! I remember
completely ignoring my hoardes
of other IM's, and falling
completely into the world
of Matthew Aod.
And so where did this lead me?
To South Station on Saturday night,
wanting so badly for us to
work something out so we
could meet up that night -
and, inevitably, me
spend the night, since there
were no trains until the next

morning. Unfortunately, fate showed
us that Saturday just was not
the night to meet up.
But here I sit, after a long
9-6 day, waiting - impatiently,
excitedly - to arrive in
Middleborough.
Matthew has a very - well,
I can't think of a correct word -
tragic past, and I feel
so bad for him. But pity
doesn't seem to be a
basis at all for any
sort of relationship
between us. And why
should it be?

I know perhaps
I'm jumping the gun
here, but I think
I could really love him - from
what I've seen so far, and
read from him - we'd be wonderful
together. I mean, perhaps
I'm just yearning badly for
someone to love, for someone
to spoil, and spoil me -
but I don't know. Something
with us just -clicked-!
Quincy Center! We've just
arrived at the station.
What was the name of the next
station they said? I

couldn't understand. We're
moving again; I'll check
the schedule. Holbrook/Randolph.
Due in at 7:10. It's 7:05 now.
Oh, the time just isn't going fast
enough! But wait - let me
think...it's ben, well, about
20 minutes so far. 35 minutes
to go...oh, I'm so damn/darn
(can't decide ^_~ -<3 )
excited!
I'm growing awfully hungry...
but I think Matty'll
be taking us both out
for dinner. That'll be
nice! I hate eating

in front of someone I
just met - but oh,
well...it's a fact of
life, eh? Normal, healthy people
get hungry, and people who are
healthy eat when they're
hungry, right? Oh, I'm rambling
again! Ah, well...
I think I'll settle for some
soda for now. I've got...
Dr. Pepper Red Fusion with me.
Yummy! =^_^=! Ah, and then...
then I'll floss my teeth. "Lol!"
Time check...about 7:12/7:13
by my watch. No station yet.
A bit behind schedule, perhaps?

Or maybe it's just my watch...
being slow. [I meant fast!] Ah, well..."I'll
get there when I get there..."
...yeah, right! Okay, so
I wanna be there now!
I'm going to listen to some
music now. Japanese Christmas
music, from Sailor Moon and
Card Captor Sakura.
Ah, the Holbrook/
Randolph station! Alas!
I thought we'd never arrive! =D
I'm so damned
excited!!!
...okay, and hungry...
Time check? 7:14!
Wheeeeeee! =

Update. 7:20. Montello.
Only 5 minutes slow
by my watch. Not
bad...not bad at all.
Due in Brockton in...erm...
3 minutes. Nice.
Hey, I'll be going by
Bridgewater! Too bad I couldn't
say "hi" to Kate! ^_^

Sorry, it;s now almost 12:30 am...I'm passing out! Will write more soone! 7:30 am, Tuesday
All right...will write more of what I had written, before I head out to work!

Ah, and the Japanese C.C.S. soundtrack is so damned cute!
And now we're in Brockton.
7:25. I'm so anxious now...
I feel like I've got butterflies
fluttering around in my
heart.

Ah, the heart...just a mere
organ, right? So then
why is it we seem to
feel everything there? Love? Hate?

(work)

(back, and it's now Wednesday night...more on that later ^_~)

Anger? Fear? Sadness?
The need to cry...the need
to laugh. Or ever something
as (complex?) as dread.
Some smelly old man
just passed slowly
by me. Poor bastard.
Must be homeless...
but, well, I don't think
most people end up
on the streets by doing
hat they're supposed

to be doing.
Then again, when
he was my age, I
would bet anything he used
to think the same thing,
feel the same way. He
never thought that, in the year
2002, he'd be homeless - and
a smelly, half-retarded old
man.
Wow...my *heart* skipped
a beat...I can feel the anxiety
there! ^_^ The next
stop is now Bridgewater!
Hi, Kate! ^_~ -<3
Oh, Matty, I can't

wait to meet you...!
And, at the risk of sounding
selfish...I hope you're
everything I hope you to
be. Please, God, Fate,
whom - or what-ever, I
need love. I need someone
to love...I want to feel
that emotion once again.
That painful, but
wonderful, wonderful
emotion!
I can hardly wait...
and, please, Matty,
like me! For who
I am!

...why is that
always (or at least
it always seems to be)
too much to ask?
Oh, Gods! Stars and
heavens and beyond! It's
almost 7:35! My heart
is moreso all aflutter! =!
...Matthew, I'm coming...!

7:37. I just left Bridgewater.
By the schedule, we should
be at Middleborough in about...
11 minutes. Okay, so we're...8
minutes behind, about. But
I can live with that. Even

if I didn't get in 'til 9...
I'd still get to see
Matthew, and that would be
all that's worth...everything.
I'm gong to get ready
now. I've got to look my
best...! ^_^ My nerves
are all about me! I
can hardly wait! I
...I wonder how he's feeling...
I'll soon find out!
Yes, Matthew, it's
7:40, and here I
come! =!!

And then......then comes the meeting......and, well, I don't have the time, since I'm tired and cold and needing to say so much in such little time, to type out all that happened....we went out for dinner...to Friendly's. He had a turkey wrap, no lettuce or tomatoes (I'll have to remember that), with extra turkey! heehee...and I had a plate of (what else is new...?) pasta! Ziti, to be exact...With meatballs. Okay, so I didn't touch a single meatball. Matthew stole one off my plate (I giggled about this for quite some time ^_~), and I had the extra-yummy garlic bread...but I'll always remember that the pasta I had was a bit on the lukewarm side. Tasty, sure, with all that yummy melted cheese (sorry, I'm hungry ^_~), and the bread....but anyway.........yes, we seemed to hit it off rather well together.
But anyway, here was what I wrote, in the moment...right after I got onto the train. (Which, I might add, I didn't want to get back on...I think we both kind of hoped that I missed that last train back, so that I'd be "forced" to spend the night there with him..... =) )

Ahhhhhh....
Matthew....
It was far too short...
The eyes of an angel,
so soft, so serene.
tortured and deep;
beautiful, the colour
of the lake, Baxter Lake,
on a warm, summer day,
when its cool, refreshing
waters welcomed me
to swim. To float, to
dream, to waste away the
hours like in a lullaby from
afar. His eyes, their blue

like crystals, almost piercing,
never sharp. Drown in those
eyes, I could...fall deep
within their bottomless,
endless depth, and fly
with you into the skies of
that same colour. Oh, his
eyes...and eyes they're
only just.
Only just the beginning
of him...he's like an
angel. His beauty is
uncompared. Sure, I'd
be lying if I tried
to say I'd never seen
someone as handsome,

a stranger, perhaps,
with the mysterious
glow...
But Matthew was
mine...I don't feel selfish
calling him but mine.
The angel came to take
me away...the beautiful,
dreamy man, whose existence
I find hard to believe. Funny
in humour, alike with a sense
like my own, and a romantic
atmosphere about him.
Skinny, sure, but he
carries it well...
And the hair...oh, the

hair! I could have been
lost in the sea of his strands, in
the magically soft locks of his.
Could it be possible he
is the one? I'd be in heaven
if it were just true. Only
him would I see, as my
hand he continued to hold...
oh, he's so beautiful!
Handsome cannot even
describe. His is beauty,
not effeminate, but
masculine, and beauty
it shall be...
A beautiful

man is so very
hard to find, and
extremely difficult
to catch...or can it be
keep?
Ah, his looks along don't
define him, no...I've met
many a handsome man with a heat of stone and
personality of ice.
He seems to love me...in
him it seems I've found...
a friend? I'd let him love
me true.
I don't know what to say,
and for words I'm at a

loss...
but all I can say...
I cannot wait to see him again.

...he'll be on my
mind forever more.
I'll wish to make him
so happy...make him never
wish to leave my side.
And perhaps, oh, perhaps...
well...what the
future may bring...

My heart is warm and
at peace. There's

no anxiety, no
want to impress
him. With him, I
feel so content...
I cannot wait until
this feeling shall return.
I hope we never fight,
never argue, or disagree -
did I mention how crazily
funny he is?
He's wonderful,
magnificent, beautiful,
and fun...and I'll love
him...if only he'll let
me.
Will he? I hope so...

I wish tonight I could
have slept in his arms.
I know I would have been
content.
For some reason, we
seemed to have connected...
I've never felt so sweet,
and right, in just a simple
little kiss.
I no longer want
to flirt with other
men, or dream about some
silly little crush.
He's sweet and funny,
and absolutely, downright
great. I keep

thinking I'm done talking
of him, but the
words don't seem to
want to stop - Usually, I...
wait, who cares about usually?
I feel like I could sing. I'm
Cosette, and he's my
Marius.
Oh, I'll close my eyes now...I want
to think on him, Matthew,
for now...of him, forever.

Okay, perhaps forever
is a long time. But...
I'm willing to wait and see!

Well, there was my first impression on Matthew...

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